It’s easy to internalize the idea that asking for help — or even just needing support — makes you high-maintenance, needy, or worse: a burden. For women with ADHD in North York, the story can feel painfully familiar. That urge to say “sorry for venting,” to downplay your struggles, or to minimize your everyday exhaustion isn’t just politeness — it’s survival. But you’re allowed here. You get to need things. And your needs are not a liability.
Where Does This Story Begin?
Nearly every client I’ve seen has unearthed an early memory where their needs weren’t met, were dismissed, or even used against them. For many women with ADHD, the mask of competence starts as armor against being “too much.” Sometimes, it’s childhood — sometimes, it’s the grind of adulthood. Wherever it started, the belief (“My feelings are an inconvenience”) quietly shapes everything from how we apologize to how we speak up at work or in relationships.
The Emotional Weight of Minimizing
Constantly minimizing your needs? It’s exhausting. In therapy, we call this “perceived burdensomeness” — the belief your needs take up too much space. And here’s the tricky part: the more you minimize, the lonelier it gets. You might find yourself over-functioning, always one step ahead so no one “has” to worry about you. But inside, you’re worn out… and maybe a little resentful, too.
Breaking the Cycle: Tiny Experiments
Practicing need-assertion in safe, low-stakes settings can shift this old story. Acknowledge your thirst and take a water break during a busy day. Email your therapist (or a friend) with a real feeling attached. Notice what happens when you dare take up more space, even if your heart races. Over time, these small experiments layer into new neural connections — a cognitive reframe: "My needs do not make me hard to love."
You’re Not Alone: Support in North York
Many find it healing to connect with services that “get it,” like those at Dynamic Health Clinic (internal link). For broader reading and validation, CAMH’s exploration of ADHD support for adults might help (external link).
Whatever your pace, know this: Your needs are not a liability — not in North York, and not anywhere you belong.
