Feeling like you have to keep everyone happy—at the cost of your own needs—is exhausting, especially for high-functioning women in North York. If you find yourself constantly saying “yes,” apologizing for minor things, or feeling undeserving of rest, you’re not alone. Many people, especially women with ADHD, have learned to people please as a survival strategy. But your needs are not a liability. Here, let’s gently open space for the real, messy work of learning boundaries.
Why People Pleasing Feels Safer (But Isn’t)
People pleasing often starts in childhood. Maybe you sensed that love or approval depended on keeping the peace or minimizing conflict. For ADHD women, masking and over-functioning can become a finely honed skill. But carrying the weight of everyone else’s comfort means your own needs go unmet—and resentment and burnout come knocking.
Understanding Perceived Burdensomeness
“If I ask for what I need, will they think I’m too much?” That silent question sits heavy in many therapy rooms. Psychologists call this “perceived burdensomeness”—the belief that our needs are an inconvenience. Naming it is the first step. Learning that your voice matters is the next.
Cognitive Reframes: Needs Are Not Weaknesses
Boundaries are not barriers. They’re invitations to authentic connection. It can help to reframe requests—not as burdens, but as information about what keeps you well. In trauma-informed therapy, you learn to spot the guilt spiral, pause, and ask: “What do I need—and is it okay to say it out loud?”
First Steps Toward Boundaries in North York
Try one small change this week: Pause before saying “yes” and ask yourself, “Is this coming from guilt or genuine desire?” Boundaries work grows slowly, but you deserve as much spaciousness as you offer others.
Learn more about our trauma-informed care services in North York
External resource: CAMH Trauma Info
This article is brought to you with care by Dynamic Health Clinic. If this resonates, know your needs are welcome here.
